“Little Cousins, Called back, Emily.” Emily Dickinson
In my 73 years of existence I have only met four suicides. Three of them were men (two of which were married to the same woman when they took their own lives. A third was a photographer and the fourth, was a woman, a young exotic dancer called Carmen who ended her life in 1978. I have no idea what may have caused the three men to take their life in their own hands. But Carmen was more of an enigma. She was a happy, cheerful girl that at the time I would have used the term bubbly.
All these years later, I wonder if anybody remembers her.Carmen is in my files under C with the extra addition of the word suicide. I never knew her last name.
I cannot begin to understand what would have led her to leave us. My only very small insight is that through the years when I have been driving alone on a curvy road and or one with precipices I get this small urge to point my car towards that instant destruction. I wonder if this is a normal urge that other people might have. I would be afraid to ask.
Originally published at blog.alexwaterhousehayward.com.